OK, so I’m not crazy about The Jerk with Steve Martin, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate this iconic scene in which the main character does his best to make a grand exit but fails to truly capture the drama.
I’m not so different some days. Once in a while I feel like Super Christian and my faith will not fail. I know that I know that I know that I am in the hands of a Lord who loves me!
All I need is God, Christ and the Holy Spirit!
Then I hit a speed bump and begin to think all I need is God, Christ and the Holy Spirit and more money.
Then my husband needs a new job and all I need is God, Christ and the Holy Spirit, more money and a job for my husband. And that’s all!
Then my husband gets a full-time job but I completely wreck our second car and all need is God, Christ and the Holy Spirit, more money, a job for my husband, another car. And that’s all!
Oh, I could do this all night, but you get the point. Always, I end up overwhelmed and discouraged and cry out, ‘I can’t do this, Lord! Help me!’ I can almost hear Him sigh, ‘Oh, poor LaRonda. All she has is Me. Whatever will she do?’ Sometimes it’s just a sigh that says, ‘It’s about time!’ (My God is a bit of a smarty pants.)
I wish I didn’t look at the storm around me when I step out of the boat or take in the vastness of what seems like a dead-end as I stand at my own Red Sea. I really wish I could trust and rest in Him like he tells me to.
But I don’t.
When I started the new year with the word ‘accepting’, then added the phrase ‘letting go’ I thought I was really onto something. But in light of all the frustrations and disappointments I’ve had in the past two weeks alone, and with the baggage I have yet to unpack from 2018, I’m starting to wonder if ‘surrender’ might not be what I really need help with.
I don’t like surprises (even if they are good ones) and I don’t care to be vulnerable. But if God actually does His best work in us and through us when we’re weak, then sign me up! Because I’m weak.
And I know that God has a plan for me, but lately I’ve begun to suspect that there is one of three things going on:
- God has something pretty darn awesome waiting for me, which I kinda hope to enjoy before I die. Or at least be able to enjoy for a while without something else being taken away.
- I simply don’t understand what ‘good things’ are and I need to learn how to be content by comparing my life to someone’s in a third-world country. I guess I just don’t see how having a second car after several years of altering schedules to get everyone where they needed to be was way too much to ask for, but maybe it is – for us anyway. And don’t tell me that at least I have my health because I’ve gone over five years without a single day without pain.
- God’s doing this to draw me closer to Him, which really has the potential to backfire because I’m tired. Really, really tired.
Right now, as many other times in the past, I know God can. I just wonder if He will.
So I’ll start over again.
All I need is God, Christ and the Holy Spirit! And maybe some reassurance that He sees me, He knows me, and He loves me. Because His grace is sufficient. Right?
Don’t get me wrong. I love God. But right now it’s like how your child has just absolutely disappointed you or irritated you. Yes, you love them in the big sense and you know that eventually you’ll enjoy their company again, but right now…not so much.
So, any time now would be great.